journey, not a destination.

I have a tendency to build expectations of what life should look like.
I have a tendency towards discontentment when my life falls short of those expectations.

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

When did I start becoming obsessed with what I want in life, and stop becoming concerned with bringing God the glory in anything and everything that I do, no matter if I am achieving what I think it is He wants me to be achieving? Because when I am striving to obey God and allow him to have way with my thoughts and actions, that is where true contentment lies.

I think this is a real issue in our culture, and it bleeds into our Christian culture as well. From a young age we are encouraged to seek out our individual identity, independence, passions, gain a vision, and then we are encouraged to go forth and achieve. That we chose the path to take in life. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with these ideas, but without Truth at the center of them, these ideas have bred a generation of people who are self-centered and want to do what they want to do. And a generation of Christians who are chasing after an ideal, and labeling it "God's will".

But what happens when we are in a place in life where we feel like we aren't living our passion? What happens when no matter how much we strive for insight, we never feel like we have received a "vision" from God?

I think that a lot of times, I question if I am in the will of God. If I am living in the right place, studying the right thing, or have the right job. I question if I am "called to ministry". I question if a guy I'm dating is God's will for me, or if my plans for next semester are God's will for me. I question if I am living my calling. If I feel like I'm not living in the place that I am called to live, I feel discontent, restless, and less than.

But God's will is not a goal to be achieved. It is not a mysterious entity, floating about in space, waiting for us to find it.

I don't know where this obsession about the details of my life began, but I think that it has something to do with the idea of God's will being something external to me. I've heard it preached so many times that I should have a vision from God... that I have a calling from Him to fulfill an ultimate purpose and I should figure out what that is. I think that is true in a sense... but that it also creates this idea that God's will is a destination to be reached: a beautiful and flawless place where decisions are easy to make and where everything makes sense, where my purpose is known and I feel safe in that... An expectation that has rarely ever been met in my life. But I've been realizing more and more that God's will for me is a journey: a flawed path that can be confusing, where I am called to live in obedience and selflessness and complete surrender to God day by day. Where I forget the ridiculous expectations for achievement that I set for myself, forget what is unknown or unsure about the future. Where I die to myself and live how I know God would want me to live in the place where I am at today, even if it is difficult.

What if God's will is not external to me, but is an actual part of me when I am living in connection with God? What if my call is simply this: to obey God in the truths he has laid before me in His Word. To strive to live like Jesus did, and in doing so, am led to where the Father wants me because of my connection with Him. As I've written in a previous blog, when I am connected to the Father, I do his will. What if me writing this right now is God's will for me... That every moment I am living is God's will when I am living it in surrender to Him? What if... Even when my mess up, God still will ultimately complete his purposes through me because I love Him and deep down desire what He desires?

When we understand that God's will is the journey that we are living and not a destination, we can truthfully rest in God's presence. We can rest knowing that God is in control of our lives, and that we can live life free from the bondage of indecisiveness, uneasiness, and discontentment with present circumstances.