journey, not a destination.

I have a tendency to build expectations of what life should look like.
I have a tendency towards discontentment when my life falls short of those expectations.

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

When did I start becoming obsessed with what I want in life, and stop becoming concerned with bringing God the glory in anything and everything that I do, no matter if I am achieving what I think it is He wants me to be achieving? Because when I am striving to obey God and allow him to have way with my thoughts and actions, that is where true contentment lies.

I think this is a real issue in our culture, and it bleeds into our Christian culture as well. From a young age we are encouraged to seek out our individual identity, independence, passions, gain a vision, and then we are encouraged to go forth and achieve. That we chose the path to take in life. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with these ideas, but without Truth at the center of them, these ideas have bred a generation of people who are self-centered and want to do what they want to do. And a generation of Christians who are chasing after an ideal, and labeling it "God's will".

But what happens when we are in a place in life where we feel like we aren't living our passion? What happens when no matter how much we strive for insight, we never feel like we have received a "vision" from God?

I think that a lot of times, I question if I am in the will of God. If I am living in the right place, studying the right thing, or have the right job. I question if I am "called to ministry". I question if a guy I'm dating is God's will for me, or if my plans for next semester are God's will for me. I question if I am living my calling. If I feel like I'm not living in the place that I am called to live, I feel discontent, restless, and less than.

But God's will is not a goal to be achieved. It is not a mysterious entity, floating about in space, waiting for us to find it.

I don't know where this obsession about the details of my life began, but I think that it has something to do with the idea of God's will being something external to me. I've heard it preached so many times that I should have a vision from God... that I have a calling from Him to fulfill an ultimate purpose and I should figure out what that is. I think that is true in a sense... but that it also creates this idea that God's will is a destination to be reached: a beautiful and flawless place where decisions are easy to make and where everything makes sense, where my purpose is known and I feel safe in that... An expectation that has rarely ever been met in my life. But I've been realizing more and more that God's will for me is a journey: a flawed path that can be confusing, where I am called to live in obedience and selflessness and complete surrender to God day by day. Where I forget the ridiculous expectations for achievement that I set for myself, forget what is unknown or unsure about the future. Where I die to myself and live how I know God would want me to live in the place where I am at today, even if it is difficult.

What if God's will is not external to me, but is an actual part of me when I am living in connection with God? What if my call is simply this: to obey God in the truths he has laid before me in His Word. To strive to live like Jesus did, and in doing so, am led to where the Father wants me because of my connection with Him. As I've written in a previous blog, when I am connected to the Father, I do his will. What if me writing this right now is God's will for me... That every moment I am living is God's will when I am living it in surrender to Him? What if... Even when my mess up, God still will ultimately complete his purposes through me because I love Him and deep down desire what He desires?

When we understand that God's will is the journey that we are living and not a destination, we can truthfully rest in God's presence. We can rest knowing that God is in control of our lives, and that we can live life free from the bondage of indecisiveness, uneasiness, and discontentment with present circumstances.

hope in an existential world.

“The life of each human being is a finite drama enacted in a hostile or indifferent universe... and no matter how close a person may feel toward another, each ultimately must face life alone.” - Randall (2001) speaking about existential philosophy.

“You have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abided work of God, for: All flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.” - 1 Peter 1:22-25

Sometimes I feel lonely and broken. Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try to connect with others, I am still alone. Sometimes, I want to be known completely and wanted for who I am. Sometimes I feel like that is not possible in the cruel world that I live in.

Maybe I sometimes feel this way, because there is truth to it.

Existentialism is a philosophy that views the world as a broken, desolate, and dangerous place, that mankind is destined for death, and that the individual must search for his or her own meaning and placement in the world. Man is “always and ultimately alone”. Man must come to awareness about aloneness and death, come to accept death, and chose what to do with life on earth. Existentialism emphasizes that “to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering” (Frankl, 1984).

Maybe existential thought has merit; maybe we feel that the world is broken and that we are alone because the world is broken and because we are alone. Maybe we feel this way because of someone else’s mistake: the sin of two people thousands of years ago. Because of their mistake, there is death. There is lack of true intimacy with others and with God. Because of their mistake, it is my tendency, my predisposition, to be broken, lonely, and to die. Before the mistake, there was connection: unbroken communion with God and one another. When sin entered the world, there was a great divide. The world is a broken place; I am a broken person, and I am destined for death. Intimacy was broken as well; thus, I am predisposed to desire intimacy with every fiber of my being. I am predisposed to be broken, and also to desire the fullness that was present before the fall.

This is why I feel disconnected. This is why I feel alone. Because I actually am. In many cases, this is why clients who come in for counseling are hurting. Because essentially, mankind desires the previous state of intimacy with God and man that was lost because of the fall.

But, there is hope to find true meaning in life in this broken world.

According to existentialism, it is the responsibility of man to discover meaning in a cruel world. Man has free choice to decide how to respond to life and death. According to the Word of God, we can chose ultimate meaning and life after death through the power of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In accepting salvation, we can mend the great divide of the fall. We can have an intimate relationship with God and with fellow man. Jesus mends our brokenness and reunites us with our Creator. God knows us completely, accepts us, loves us and offers us eternal life after death.
 
So, how can existentialism be helpful to Christian counselors? The goal of existential therapy is to help clients live an “authentic” life, accepting the ultimate concerns of being and the inevitability of our own deaths. The counselor helps the counselee to gain the courage to face isolation and death, and to embrace freedom and meaning. As Christian counselors, we should desire that our clients understand the effects of the fall, and understand that a life without Christ is a life characterized by brokenness, isolation, death, and lack of meaning. We should be able to present the hope of the gospel to clients, and explain that by the power of the cross, man can be intimate with God once again. We don’t have to feel alone and broken anymore, nor do we have to dwell on death; we are offered fullness and intimacy through Christ Jesus and He gives us eternal life.

Christ in the counseling room.

I’d like to use my opportunity to post on the blog to talk about something that was inspired by class yesterday, although it was not exactly a topic discussed. I’d like to bring up how I felt when we were doing role playing. This was my first time actually doing a face to face type of counseling role playing, and the first time I have seen role playing in class. Can I be honest about how I felt as the counselor? Basically: inadequate. I want to bring this up in case anyone else felt inadequate, and I want to give some encouragement.

I frantically thought to myself as my fellow classmate was talking to me, trying to think of how to process and case conceptualize and think of the perfectly appropriate thing to say to make her see the light. How would this or that theorist approach this situation? How do I be culturally appropriate in this situation? What are the ethics of this situation? Should I report what this person is telling me? WWJD? As I’m having a mini crisis, my counselee is waiting for my response, and I still have no idea what the right thing to say is.

I really, truthfully realized yesterday that I am inadequate to always say the right thing in the right situation at the right time. No matter how hard I strive, I can never actually change a person with my words. There isn’t even a “right” thing to say because isn’t that subjective anyways? I try to fit the human experience into a box when it does not fit in a box; I want it to fit so that it will make more sense to me and be more tangible somehow. Instead though, I just have a jumbled brain and nothing of true value to say during role playing.

And I felt the Spirit of the Lord speak to my heart: This is not about you having the right words to say. This is about Me speaking through you, to bring glory unto Myself.

I am just the vessel.

In the book Competent Christian Counseling, Clinton and Ohlschlager have many profound and incredibly helpful things to say about what it means to be a Christian Counselor. One of my absolute favorite points of the book can be summed up in this quote on page 6:

“Myriad promises and elaborate plans exist to help people find nirvana, strike it rich, reach some super consciousness, change the world, or attain true inner peace. Then there is the call of Christ. Jesus’ timeless message still trumpets in its hallowed, outrageous offense: ‘I bid you come and die.’ But in that dying something else is reborn: new life in the present and the seed of eternal life to come... Only Jesus, the God-man, living in us through his Holy Spirit, can make this life happen.”

In this class, and in this book, it seems to me that the overriding point is this: that the heart of life, and the heart of counseling for Christians is the Gospel. Clinton and Ohlschlager time and time again emphasize that it is the love of Jesus Christ that should saturate and permeate every aspect of the ministry of counseling, not be a compartmentalized portion of our own personal lives. They say that the promise of Christian counseling is that the hope and the power of Christ is present; it is God who heals, redeems, save, and renews the lives of clients. What they say in the book is that God actually miraculously intervenes in counseling sessions, and He takes what is dead and broken and gives it new life. When we allow God to be a part of the counseling process and ask Him to speak through us, He actually does.

So, how does this apply to us directly as Christian counselors? I personally need to stop obsessing about over-analyzing every little thing about the subjective things that exist in the counseling profession. Sometimes, it is easier to try to understand the world and people according to theories and concepts than it is to trust that God will equip us to do what He has called us to. I definitely am not saying to be an incompetent counselor and neglect professionalism or not strive to do the best we can do. It is also very important that we know where we stand, and know what we believe about theories, etc. However, the problem is that when it becomes about us trying to be good enough, we are neglecting the Spirit of God trying to work through us. (Plus, we will always fall short, as displayed in my frantic bit of role playing). And when it becomes about us and our personal ability, it ceases to be about Him and his glory.  I think that God wants to be more than a part of what we are doing in counseling; I think that God wants to speak through us and use us in miraculous and incredible ways. So, there's no reason to feel inadequate, because HE is more than adequate.

living like jesus.

Does your head every just get clouded with all the things you've allowed yourself to be exposed to? All the media, movies, worldliness? All caught up in the lies that are thrown at 20 something's?

Mine does. And is right now really.

Lately I've realized that people are bad. Not trustworthy. Me included. We are not inherently good. We do not desire righteousness on our own, neither can we possibly attain it on our own. Not one is righteous. No not one. When we are saved, our souls are made righteous. God sees the righteousness of Jesus instead of our sin, stamped on us like a seal. But, we still are stuck in sinful bodies, and live in a sinful world. We still need God to make our thoughts and actions good: daily.

The problem I see in my generation is that it seems like nobody is depending on Jesus to make us good anymore. We are just living our lives day by day, some of us in total ignorance of our own filth. Kind of just floating through life, seeking a good time. Doing what we want. Trusting that our decision for salvation at age 5 will carry us into eternity.

Whether that decision alone with no visible lifestyle change will carry you into eternity is for all of those theologians to answer who have been arguing the issue for thousands of years. I myself don't know that answer. But let me say something that I do know: the powers of darkness are present. And there's a reason we are supposed to arm ourselves with the full armor of God. Because spiritual life is a battle. Especially in the world we are living in, which all the crap that is constantly being thrown at us. And it is in our nature to desire sin.

What I am re-discovering lately, is that Jesus desires more from us than just a salvation decision. He wants to change us to be more like him, which requires surrender of our own wills on our part. He wants us not only to die and be resurrected with him in our salvation decision, but wants us to die to ourselves daily and live by his Spirit daily. To resist the temptations of a temporary good time and to live more like Jesus lived. I just read this Max Lucado book, Just like Jesus, which was inspiring and incredibly God appointed that I read this book right now, struggling with what I am struggling with.

Max asks the question, what if Jesus was to take over your life right now? What if Jesus woke up in place of you and lived your life and went to your classes and talked to your friends and lived your life for a day? What would this look like? This question kind of blew my mind. Because I realized how much I live for myself on a daily basis. My life would look drastically different if Jesus was living my life for me.

The main two things that stuck out to me in Max's book are attributes of Jesus that are seriously lacking in my life: his constant communion with the father and his love and compassion for others.

One thing I like about Jesus is he was always going off to be alone and talk to the Father. He was always leaving the disciples and going off to pray. But not only that, he was constantly in fellowship with God. He went where the Father told him to go and said what the Father spoke through him. He did nothing without the Father. This is because he was connected with God every minute of every day. In Max Lucado's book he talks about this man Frank Laubach who decided he wanted to try an experiment. He wanted to see if it was possible to be in constant communication with God... Like all day, everyday. Not just compartmentalize his spiritual life from the rest of his life, but allowing his spiritual life to define every moment and every thought. Always praying and thinking Godly thoughts, tapping into God’s will etc... like Jesus did. Anyways, it was a struggle for him at first, but he ends up doing it... At least he did his best and had a couple successful days. He lived in constant surrender to God: consciously yielding every thought and word and action to him and living in his presence. And he said that life was calm for him, that he looked at people with genuine love and perceived situations completely differently... More positively. And that God became his intimate friend.

One thing I've personally struggled with is knowing the will of God for my life... A.k.a the future. I think the sermon on the mount applies here, when Jesus basically says, don't worry about tomorrow. Seek first the kingdom. When we are in tune with God, we do his will. When we, the vines, are connected to the branch, we don't have to constantly worry about what the branch wants, because we are one with the branch.

 So I'm thinking, if Jesus and Frank can do this whole constant communication with God thing, then I can. I think the only way I can though, is because the Holy Spirit is probing me anyways; it's just a matter of choosing to surrender by making conscious effort. And praying... constantly. Also, I think that what the Bible says in Romans 12 applies when it talks about transforming and renewing our minds so that what can test what Gods will is. Taking every thought captive and testing it according to the Word of God. If its not godly, discard it. And filling my mind with things of God instead. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Jesus only ever did what was beneficial. That's how I want to live.

Another thing I like about Jesus is that He saw people. He really saw them, and he really cared. Not only did he see people, but he saw the absolute worst parts of people. He could read their minds... and he knew all about their secret thoughts and their future betrayals and sins. Like, his disciples for example. He knew that Peter was going to deny him and that Judas was going to betray him. And that every disciple would desert him when he got arrested. But he still spent all of his time with them and he still washed their feet. He washed their feet. He served the people who he knew would hurt him and abandon him. He knew their dirtiest thoughts and deeds and didn't treat them judgmentally, but loved them and served them in the most humble way possible.

For some reason, even with all of the crap that Jesus knew about people, and even with all the betrayal and abandonment, He still loved and forgave. He saw people as precious and worthy of love and affection. He had compassion on those who hurt him. He sought to save the lost. He washed the feet of those who sinned against him. He also never tired of dealing with people. He talked to people all day and healed people left and right.

I think my problem is that I grow bitter towards people who hurt me. I avoid those people. Or I unconsciously analyze them, trying to figure them out, and then kind of label them. Its easy, when we've been hurt a lot, to stop trusting people and to close ourselves off. And to think "all people are jerks and that nobody even loves Jesus anymore" (my current struggle). That's probably a pretty natural (sinful) reaction. But.... What if Jesus loved me that way? What if Jesus didn't show love towards me whenever I sinned against him... which is pretty much all the time?

God wants us to love people like Jesus loved them... The way he loves us. God calls us to view people as precious. To treat them with kindness. And to serve. To never tire of people and never tire of showing compassion.

When we view people like that, when we really love them, it shows. It shows on our faces. We radiate love and goodness.  People flock to us. That's what they did to Jesus anyways.

Conclusion: I am bad. I am only made good because of what Jesus did on the cross, and because of His Holy Spirit living within me. I'm going to try to be more like Jesus and live in alliance with the Holy Spirit, because this is the will of God for me. I will consciously try to be in communion with God throughout the day and stay connected to the branch. That will be a struggle, but worth it. I will try to change my perception about people. Try to love people the way Jesus loves me. But I think staying connected to the branch is primary. The rest comes with the package.